Not at all to scale.
To the outsider, Australia and New Zealand aren’t that different. Exotic, pleasant lands on the edge of the world, where people talk in an endearing vowely fashion.
But to an insider things are very different. For a Kiwi, the twang of an Aussie accent is as obvious as pouring muesli in your ear. And vice versa. But as one of the eight Australians who moved to New Zealand; (as opposed to 14 million New Zealanders who have gone the other way*) I can tell you with authority just how very different things are for our separate countries. The following scene will show you the struggles I face every day. What it’s like to be an Australian trying to make simple attempts at communication in New Zealand.
The scene: At the sandwich shop, Auckland.
BEN: Hello, one sandwich please.
LADY: Oh yes, which kind of sandwich?
BEN: Um, ham salad.
LADY: What’s your name? I’ll call you when it’s ready.
BEN: It’s Ben.
LADY: Dan.
BEN: No, it’s (clears throat) Ben.
LADY: Bin?
BEN: Ben.
LADY: Bun.
BEN: Beeeen.
LADY: Biiiiyn?
BEN: No, sorry. (I spell it for her.) B. E. N
LADY: Ah, sorry, I’ve got you now. (She laughs at how silly she has been. Ben, after all is not exactly a weird, hard to spell exotic name.)
She writes it on the sandwich bag. I am relived.
Moments pass as my sandwich is assembled. I think about the previous conversation, chuckling to myself. Oh well, at least we got there in the end. She passes me my sandwich and I look at my very own name, written on the bag.
Ban: a weird, hard to spell exotic name.
*All figures quoted are false.
The Frost Retort 
5 comments
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June 6, 2011 at 7:32 am
Jez
I have a similar problem in Birmingham, UK. The people there insist on calling me Jizz.
June 8, 2011 at 3:12 am
Karri
LOL!! I can really relate to this one.
My experiences (in Australia) were something like this, Carry, Karrie, Carrie, Kaari and Kari. Just to name few. But this is understandable as you know, I’m just a foreigner from far north.
My love to your wife and all the best to you all. They’ll get you eventually.
June 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Helena
I really should be working but I couldn´t resist reading and now I can´t stop laughing. :D Oh dear! I understand the problem when it comes to Karri´s name but it is so hard to imagine that the name Ben is so difficult. I´ve never been to Australia or New Zealand but I would most likely have huge problems. After all, there are no less than six letters in my name. Say hello to the family!!!
June 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Helen
Love it.
I have fond memories of feeding the dicks with Rawina in Christchurch.
June 9, 2011 at 5:53 am
Phil C
Jennifer the Sandwich Shop lady grins as her subtle anti-migration tactics work yet again. Ban the Australians :-)
It’s safer playing with Dinosaurs in Oz Ben.
Phil C